It's Friday. Sex?
My balls are so social today.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
