That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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