so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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