You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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