in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
