Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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