you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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