i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
