Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
