Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
