I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
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I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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