idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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