I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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