I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
