it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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