I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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