Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
