I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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