thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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