My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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