Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
