oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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