need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
