Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
