went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
