The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
