All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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