omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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