Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
