just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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