I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
MIDGETS
????
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
