yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
