Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize