I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.