Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.