So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.