i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
