just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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