Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
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A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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