for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
