What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
