my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
