Your face is a jimmy john
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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