I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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