chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
