My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize