I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
