Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
