I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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