question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
