he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
