THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
