Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
