Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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