You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
