sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
