I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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