Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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