I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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