Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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