I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
