First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
