Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So much Jack, so little girl.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
