dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
