I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
