I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
