The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
