finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
