I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
