why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
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I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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