i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just google imaged poop.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
