Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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