3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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